Tell me your deepest beliefs - so I can mock them

11:45 pm - 12.17.02

I really, really love making fun of Christianity. I don't know what it is, but every time I make a comment about Jesus fucking animals, something inside of me starts doing a happy dance. Today, in gym class, we were playing basketball (not like actual games, but like horse). I picked out a nice pretty bright orange basketball and named it Jesus. Throughout the period, I talked loudly to Jesus and prayed to it before I shot the ball. Here's the prayer I kept saying loudly in the middle of the crowded gym (this prayer was created by my friend Naomi):

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy dick. Thy kingdom cums, and then you're done, because you blew your load.

90% of the time after I said that prayer the ball went in. Creepy, non? So, after about 20 minutes of this, I was approached by someone I will refer to as Stupid Christian Bitch Fucker Cocksucker, or SCBFC. She gave me looks that were supposed to say "I'm smarter and more holy than you." To me, however, they said, "I have something lodged in my sinus cavity." After a few more mentions of God and Jesus (or the Big J as I was calling him), she informed me that "Homosexuality and bisexuality is a sin." What this had to do with Jesus possessing a bright orange basketball, I'm not sure. I shot her a half-puzzled, half-annoyed look and said "Um, I don't think so. Jesus was gay and he fucked his disciples. I'm not sure what Bible you're reading, but I know mine is the right one and that's what it says." To which she replied "There's only one Bible and it's my Bible." I told her to fuck off. She told me that I had messed with the wrong Christian because she "will not put up with people mocking Christianity." My friend Michelle later informed me that she bitched about me in the locker room. I love being bitched about.

So, later on today. I was already in a semi-shitty mood and this annoying boy who looks like he's never seen the inside of a shower before asked me if I sucked dick, looking at his friends as if to say "Ha, ha, look at the stupid fag." I responded very calmly, "Yes. I love it, too." All of my friends at the table I was sitting at started laughing. It was great. I shot one of the ugly boys a wink. They started talking about me so I started mouthing things at them, like "I want you, I need you," and "Please fuck me," all the while pointing at my crotch.

School isn't that bad after all.

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