From the desk of the Rev. Dixon Prang - Trois

10:10 pm - 04.25.02

I have something very important to talk about to you all tonight, and that is the deteriorating moral fiber of America! And I quote, from the very Book of God: "And the Lord saith, the beast shall reveal herself and she shall be Rosie O'Donnell." Why, just the other day, I was flipping through the channels and found myself watching a program on Nickelodeon, the Kids' Choice Awards, and who did I see hosting it? None other than the beast herself! I don't know what has gotten into this "children's" network, letting a pervert host the show while she tries to peek up little girls' dresses during the Sunday service every week, ooh, with those lacy- Ahem. What I mean, of course, is that Hillary Clinton is the Beast in training. If she had done her Christian wifely duties, perhaps her husband wouldn't have run off with those other women! And call me old-fashioned if you will, but I will always know that a woman's place is in the home, not in some horrible senator's office. Hillary, please accept Jesus as your personal savior and come down off of your high horse. There's cookies to be baked and floors to be swept. All that I can do for you now is be a good Christian and pray for your soul, but it's useless if you continue with this "independent woman" bullshit. Another thing that I have noticed gnawing at the few remaining scraps of virtue in our society is that awful heathen homosexuality. I know that I have addressed this many times before, but it is important for you to realize how sinful this behavior is! Now, God saith very plainly "Thou shalt not be a homosexual, bisexual, or a transsexual." I am addressing all of you mortal sinners right now as I say this: "Accept the Lord, and shed your heathen ideas! You can change, as all is possible with the Lord Jesus Christ!" It's as simple as that. Jesus + Fag = Good, Christian, Heterosexual Citizen. Until these minions of Satan leave their perversion, we'll just have to picket their funerals and spread our message all across America!

People, people. I am ashamed. Just the other day, I was looking through the Happy Jesus Bible Charity Box, and what did I find? I found that a pithy $100,000 was donated to the church last Sunday. Now really, people. I think we can try harder than that. "And the Lord saith, give all of your money to the church. Right now. No, quit reading. Fork it over." It is the duty of any true, God-fearing Christian to donate each and every spare dollar that they can scrape from their pockets to the Church! Due to this issue, I have set up a FAQ right here about Christianity.

Doesn't God love everyone?

No. Homosexuals, feminists, non-Christians, and people who donate less than $300,000 to their church monthly are abhorred by God.

Are all homosexuals pedophiles bent on molesting little boys?

Yes.

What is God's stance on Judaism?

He hates them.

and Islam?

Them too.

What about homosexuals?

I think we already covered this, but I'll make it even more clear. God hates homosexuals because they all thirst for little boys.

Ah, well I have written quite a bit, and I have to go now. It's 10:10, and I have to go molest a little boy- er- go to bed. God bless!

Sincerely,

The Rev. Dixon Prang

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